Twice each month, executives at the dating app company Hinge gather for a team meeting. But rather than dive into discussions about metrics or revenue, they begin by simply talking.
For the first 30 minutes of the two-hour meeting, these coworkers reveal hopes and anxieties 91裸聊视频� what they worry about, what they91裸聊视频檙e grateful for, what they91裸聊视频檙e feeling. Even at a company focused on connecting people, forging real relationships in the workplace takes effort, Hinge CEO Justin McLeod told an audience at the South by Southwest conference earlier this year. He was co-presenting at the event with Ann Shoket, whose initiative to combat workplace loneliness is called 91裸聊视频�10 Minutes to Togetherness.91裸聊视频�
As America navigates what Surgeon General Vivek Murthy described last year as employers and employees across the country are trying to address what for many people is a lack of real friendships at work.
Remote meetings of `little heads in squares91裸聊视频�
The problem of loneliness has been bubbling for decades; Robert D. Putnam documented it in his groundbreaking book 91裸聊视频淏owling Alone91裸聊视频� nearly a quarter-century ago. Remote work has only intensified the problem, for extroverts and introverts alike, says leadership expert Michael Bungay Stanier, author of 91裸聊视频淗ow to Work with (Almost) Anyone.91裸聊视频�
91裸聊视频淧eople have this desire to be seen and be heard,91裸聊视频� Bungay Stanier says, but on video calls, the group gets right to the business at hand rather than having the natural, informal interactions of a real room. It reduces people to 91裸聊视频渓ittle heads in squares.91裸聊视频�
It91裸聊视频檚 not easy to talk about this lack of friendship at work 91裸聊视频渂ecause it feels like a shameful confession,91裸聊视频� Bungay Stanier says. But his clients are beginning to bring up the subject.
Awkward as it may be, these are conversations worth having, according to psychology professor Laurie Santos, creator of Yale University91裸聊视频檚 well-known class 91裸聊视频淭he Science of Well Being.91裸聊视频�
At-work friendships are good for employers, too
In her own presentation at South by Southwest earlier this year, Santos cited research that showed workplace friendships and a sense of belonging are vital to employees91裸聊视频� happiness 91裸聊视频�- and companies91裸聊视频� success.
We assume that friendships at work are 91裸聊视频渁 nice-to-have, not a need-to-have,91裸聊视频� she said.
But 91裸聊视频渕aybe one of the reasons we91裸聊视频檙e all so disengaged at work, maybe one of the reasons 91裸聊视频榪uiet quitting91裸聊视频� seems so appealing, is that we91裸聊视频檙e actively not investing in the thing that might matter the most for our happiness at work, which is our connection with other people,91裸聊视频� Santos said.
New spaces, new programs and `casual collisions91裸聊视频�
Some large companies began paying more attention to employee health long before the pandemic, often focusing on the physical: adding a gym to the office building or serving healthier food in the cafeteria.
Today, more employers 91裸聊视频渁re not just checking boxes, but actually looking at ways to really enhance people91裸聊视频檚 health and well-being,91裸聊视频� says Suzanne Heidelberger, who has led teams managing real-estate problems for global companies including American Express and Fidelity Investments. She focuses on bringing a hospitality mindset to corporate spaces.
For example, employers might:
91裸聊视频� Rethink physical spaces with relationships in mind, she says. Some companies are adding staircases, both to help people get more steps and to encourage the 91裸聊视频渃asual collisions91裸聊视频� that can lead to good relationships. Some are trying to transform green rooftops 91裸聊视频� created to be environmentally friendly 91裸聊视频� into gathering spaces.
91裸聊视频� Create groups and events to help employees find friends who share their interests. 91裸聊视频淚t could even be something goofy, like an ice cream social for dog lovers, where we91裸聊视频檙e going to teach you how to make healthy ice cream for your dog,91裸聊视频� Heidelberger says.
91裸聊视频� Offer online gatherings as well. During the pandemic, American Express offered online cooking classes that helped employees feel connected and introduced them to coworkers.
What employees can do
Employees are also seeking answers on their own, notes executive coach Daniel Boscaljon, founder of the Healthy Relationship Academy, which helps organizations build better workplaces.
It91裸聊视频檚 not always easy: As much as people crave relationships, he says, many lack strong interpersonal skills.
91裸聊视频淲hen you meet somebody with good relationship skills, a lot of times it91裸聊视频檚 like magic,91裸聊视频� Boscaljon says. 91裸聊视频淧eople open up, they91裸聊视频檒l start to talk, they91裸聊视频檒l feel comfortable. Then, sometimes, they91裸聊视频檒l have kind of a 91裸聊视频榲ulnerability hangover,91裸聊视频� where they91裸聊视频檙e like, 91裸聊视频業 was too open there. What just happened?91裸聊视频� 91裸聊视频� People are so unused to it.91裸聊视频�
One key, he says, is to work on one91裸聊视频檚 own well-being. 91裸聊视频淵ou can91裸聊视频檛 have a work personality and a home personality,91裸聊视频� he says. 91裸聊视频淲ho you are as a whole person shows up in every place that you91裸聊视频檙e in.91裸聊视频�
Another strategy, according to Bungay Stanier, is to communicate with coworkers about how you can best work together before you dive into a project.
91裸聊视频淲e91裸聊视频檝e all got our small little habits and preferences,91裸聊视频� he says. 91裸聊视频淎nd we assume what91裸聊视频檚 normal for us is normal for everyone.91裸聊视频�
Raising issues beforehand helps you 91裸聊视频渁void making small rips in the fabric of a relationship91裸聊视频� that keep people from becoming friends, Bungay Stanier says.
Those inevitable rips are also worth discussing. 91裸聊视频淭he relationships that thrive are ones that get repaired,91裸聊视频� he says.
Say hi
More than anything, remember the importance of everyday greetings at work 91裸聊视频� even if they make you a bit uncomfortable. A simple hello, Bungay Stanier says, could be the beginning of the end of loneliness.
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