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Transgender in a small town - Princeton B.C.

91ƵI buried it. I pushed it down. I lived a lie.91Ƶ
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Birch Parlee on her wedding day, August 2020. Photo submitted

It took nearly half a century for Birch Parlee to be herself.

Christened at birth in 1965 as Bernard Thomas, the first-born son of an evangelical minister, she spoke candidly with the Spotlight about her path.

91ƵIn about Grade 3 or 4, about the time I really became aware that boys and girls were different, I wanted to be a girl. I started to imitate girls and it didn91Ƶt take me long to find out that wasn91Ƶt cool91ƵA lot of bullying and teasing followed me throughout my school years,91Ƶ she said.

91ƵThere was a sense of misalignment that I didn91Ƶt have any language to understand. I saw it as something fundamentally wrong with me.91Ƶ

Pressured to conform to family expectations and social norms, she was a church worship leader for 15 years.

91ƵI buried it. I pushed it down. I lived a lie.91Ƶ

She grew a full beard and went so far as to pursue 91Ƶmanly91Ƶ occupations, was a commercial fisher for 15 years, and later a farmworker and truck driver.

Two marriages ended in divorce 91Ƶand a lot of heartache91ƵThey both needed a man and I cannot be one. I think that would be the way to boil it down.91Ƶ

Birch is one of approximately 132,000 transgender people living across our nation, according to Statistics Canada.

While encouraging curiosity, she waves off the need for politically correct language.

91ƵI don91Ƶt get my panties in a bunch about that.91Ƶ

Birch began coming out publicly about three years ago, shortly after moving to the community with her partner Saskia.

91ƵA quite elderly woman in this town, who was attending a function at the library, walked up to me afterwards and said 91Ƶhello.91Ƶ She asked me if I considered myself a woman or a man in a dress. For me, that wasn91Ƶt offensive. It was an opportunity for me to tell a bit of my story.91Ƶ

It was Saskia who created a space where Birch could be honest.

91ƵSaskia was someone who loved me in a way that I felt safe and I could be honest with her. Once I was honest with her, out of those conversations, I finally was able to admit it to myself. I no longer felt there was something wrong with me. I am just different.91Ƶ

The relationship was already mostly devoid of gender roles and stereotypes. 91ƵThe only thing that was different was that I was able to let go of pretending in any way of being a man, or trying.91Ƶ

Recently Birch changed her name and her legal gender and the two were married in August 2020.

91ƵI am legally a woman and we are legally a lesbian couple, but she doesn91Ƶt really like labels.91Ƶ

Birch receives a hormone therapy of estrogen and progesterone and noted many transgender people regard questions about surgery 91Ƶas nobody else91Ƶs business.91Ƶ

She said: 91ƵIn the initial phase, I couldn91Ƶt even comprehend it and I was perhaps in judgment of people who did it. In the beginning, I believed that it is what91Ƶs inside that matters. The problem is outside is perpetually undermining your sense of inside and I think trans people do become a little bit obsessed with their appearance. It is an attempt to bring your inside and your outside into alignment.91Ƶ

Birch described the acceptance of the Princeton community 91Ƶas almost unbelievably positive in many, many ways.91Ƶ Still, she added, 91Ƶthere are certain places I don91Ƶt go, where I don91Ƶt feel quite safe.91Ƶ

And she remarked with consternation on a recent Spotlight story about an altercation at a local bar allegedly incited by slurs against a transgender patron.

For the most part, Birch91Ƶs family, including two children, step-children and siblings, are supportive.

91ƵMy father tries,91Ƶ she said, 91Ƶbut it91Ƶs hard.91Ƶ

When asked what advice she would give her younger self, she does not hesitate.

91ƵDon91Ƶt be afraid. Don91Ƶt hide. Find a way to be yourself. It91Ƶs a journey91ƵPeople assume that I made a choice to be trans and people really need to understand it isn91Ƶt something you choose. It91Ƶs something you are and the choice is whether or not you accept it.91Ƶ

Do you have something to add to this story, or something else we should report on? Email:andrea.demeer@similkameenspotlight.com


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